Socrates said ….
“Everyone wants to tell you what to do and what ́s good for you. They don ́t want you to find your own answers, they want you to believe theirs”
As children we were taught to behave according to what our parents or guardians thought was accept- able. We were either praised for being good or punished for being bad.
Progressing through our years from childhood, to teens, to adulthood those assessors of our life ́s actions continued.
| Life stage | Assessor |
| Infants School College/University Work Relationships Parenthood | Parents/Guardians Teachers Professors Managers/Bosses Partners Children |
During those years from being told what to do as a child by your parent or guardian, to coming full cycle as a parent and being conscious of the opinions of your chil- dren, we adapted our behavior to what we deemed accept- able to our assessors.
In our childhood we had no fear of expressing our opinions however as we grew up, we lost some of that free- dom and adapted our behavior to fit in to social norms. We shifted our focus from self-confident free thinking individuals to social game playing, indecisiveness and prejudging situations before venturing forward with our thoughts and ideas. Would they be acceptable, would they be judged, would they comply with other people ́s
opinions? This cycle eroded our free spirit and limited our self-confidence to voice our opinions based on our inner wisdom.
How can we bring back that spirit and release our in- ner wisdom without fear of retribution? Firstly, we need to be self-aware.
Self-doubt:
How many of us procrastinate on making decisions or tak- ing steps forward to the extent of inaction? Can I? Should I? What will they say? What if? Your belief system has been created over many years and put you in a place where you doubt everything you do and your ability to change.
Heads and hearts filled with self-limiters we can talk ourselves out of anything that involves change by think- ing “it ́s not possible, I can ́t do it, I am not good enough, I don ́t deserve, someone else should do it, I will fail”. Really? What ́s the worst thing that can happen? You may even succeed! Imagine how that is going to feel.
You can put those steps in place to make changes im- mediately. Why wait? Be confident, nothing is impossible with a little guidance and your desire to move forward.
Self-confidence:
When you are self-confident you will shine like a bright star. You have a belief in yourself and your abilities
although your mind state can shift depending on circum- stances you are in at any one time. Often the most self- confident person can take a confidence knock. However, it is their ability to pick themselves back up and get back on track that sets them aside from the self-doubters, or some- one generally lacking self-confidence. Those self-doubt- ers have the knack of beating themselves up and staying in a dark hole without being able to visualize a way out.
When you have self-confidence and belief in your abilities you will display clarity of purpose, be proactive and assertive in your drive to achieve your goals and am- bitions. Self-confident people bring out the best in others around them. They share a light that is infectious and you want to be around them as their energy flows like a river and you want to get in that river and swim with them. Self-confident people feel worthy, not afraid of making decisions, feel self-worth, feel they can achieve and hap- py to ask others for their support. Self-confident people feel and demonstrate gratitude which comes back ten-fold from the Universe and the law of attraction. Be aware who you spend your time with and avoid those who are like vampires sucking the life out of you.
Self-worth:
The dictionary definition of self-worth is “sense of one ́s own value or worth as a person”.
Self-worth is about you and who you are, what you do for yourself and for others. When you are aware of your self-worth, you are aware of your inner voice and how in your quietest, weakest moments it can creep in and be de- structive. When you are at one with yourself, you know how to tame that inner voice and keep its nastiness at bay. At its worst, the inner voice throws some negativities about who you are and what you deserve, how you should be in comparison to others either in looks or activities that others partake in. These at their most horrible can lead people to moments of despair, to drugs, to bingeing, to eating disorders or alcohol abuse. The mind is a delicate instrument and your sense of self-worth can be in and out of tune depending on your latest successes or failures.
Keeping your self-worth intact is an on-going part of maintaining your well-being because when you take your eye off your self-worth, that inner critic will be there like a shot.
Pursue activities and a lifestyle that are meaningful to you and in line with your own personal core values that we looked at the beginning of the book.
Be kind to yourself – if you can ́t look after your- self, how can you be kind to others.
Remember that nobody is perfect and we can all make mistakes. Maintaining your high self-worth,
means you pick yourself right back up and get back on track.
- Challenge your inner voice when it is being critical and keep your faith in yourself and your abilities.
- Nourish your brain and your body and be aware of what you are consuming
- Don ́t allow external influences to take you off track and shake your resolve.
- Retain your feeling of worthiness – you deserve the best.