When you lose a loved one, it’s natural to experience grief. Whether it was an expected death or a sudden death, the pain will still be there. Anticipatory grief, i.e., knowing someone is going to pass away, as they had a prolonged illness, gives some time to prepare, but it still doesn’t take away the pain.
With a sudden death, often the shock and unexpected tragedy, leaves the survivor feeling confused, not knowing what to do, and triggers a range of emotions, including anger and guilt as well as pain.
Grief shows itself in different ways and for some adjusting to the loss can take many years.
Many people, although not all, who are dealing with a terminal illness, are willing to discuss the issues of death and dying. The practical issues of how the funeral will be paid for, whether they wish to be buried or cremated, what they would like to be done with their ashes as well as practical issues around finances, wills, banks accounts, pensions etc.
Unfortunately, when these things have not been discussed, and planned in advance, it leaves a major headache for the surviving family members, especially if they live here in Spain where the system is more complex, and cremations happen within 48 hours and bank accounts frozen.
What are the different stages of grief?
The stages of grief will vary from one person to another. We are all different and the grieving process will present itself in various ways and take different lengths of time.
The stages of grief can include, but not limited to –
Shock Sense of isolation
Guilt Physical pain
Anger Headaches
Panic Inability to sleep
Depression Flu like symptoms
Acceptance
If you feel you are experiencing these symptoms for longer than you should, or you feel you can’t cope, reach out and seek some help and support, either from counselling, or your doctor.
Grief Model Background
Throughout life, we experience many instances of grief. Children may grieve a divorce, a wife may grieve the death of her husband, a teenager might grieve the ending of a relationship, or you might have grieved the loss of a pet who was a key part of your family.
In 1969, Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described five common stages of grief, popularly referred to as DABDA. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
If you are dealing with loss, you could be at any stage of this grief curve, and it is a normal part of the grief journey.
Acceptance
The last stage of grief identified by Kübler-Ross is acceptance. Not in the sense that “it’s OK that my husband died” but rather, “my husband died, but I’m going to be OK.”
In this stage, your emotions may begin to stabilize.
You understand your loved one can never be replaced, but you move, grow, and evolve into your new reality and move your life forward.
I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO BE OK
THERE ARE GOOD DAYS .. AND BAD DAYS.. AND GOOD DAYS AGAIN!
GOOD DAYS OUTNUMBER THE BAD DAYS
I’M GOING TO BE OK